A Frog Calls a Psychic（灵媒，巫师）

Recently, the Psychic Hotline and Psychic Friends Network have launched hotlines for frogs. Here is the story of one frog and his discussing with his psychic.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

A Good Chess Player

A man went to visit a friend and was amazed to find him playing chess with his dog. He watched the game in astonishment for a while. "I can hardly believe my eyes!" he exclaimed. "That's the smartest dog I've ever seen."
"Nah, he's not so smart," the friend replied. "I've beaten him three games out of five."

A Math Joke
Teacher: How much is half of 8?

Pupil:   Up and down or across?

Teacher: What do you mean?

Pupil:   Well, up and down makes a 3 or across the middle leaves a 0!

Constantly Complaining About the Temperature

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour.

Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient; he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.

"Oh, I really don't care or mind," said the waiter with a smile.

"We don't even have an air conditioner."

 Theory

Tom:  Why did the chicken cross the road?

Albert Einstein:  Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends on your frame of reference.

Three Very Tough Mice

Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging（吹嘘，自夸） about their bravery and toughness.
The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful（一袋的量） of rat poison!"
The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"
Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass（不断攻击） the cat."

Are Caterpillars（毛虫） Good to Eat?

Johnny: Daddy, are caterpillars good to eat?

Father: Have I not told you never to mention such things during              

meals!

Mother: Why did you say that, Junior? Why did you ask the

question?

Johnny: It's because I saw one on daddy's lettuce（生菜）, but now it's gone.

Quips & Quotes

Q: How many letters are there in the alphabet?

A: Twenty-four, because E.T. went home.

Loud, mad, or sad

The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test.

Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"

A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"

I Just Had a Dream About it

A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he said.

That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it--only to find a book entitled "The meaning of dreams".